1 week to go. That’s what my pregnancy countdown app said this morning when I clicked on it. Crazy much? I sure think so! This could, in fact, be the last pregnancy journal entry I make … ever! Now that’s a whole different conversation, though!
I have to be honest here about a few things. A few things that maybe I shouldn’t be scared of, but nonetheless I am: I find myself feeling scared of labouring this child. None of my previous labours and deliveries were textbook, and both had their share of complications but in the end everything turned out okay – so why am I so worried?? Well, for starters anyone knowing from day one that they want to avoid having an epidural will probably understand my fears a little better than those who have the ‘I’ll take whatever it is that will get me through this pain’ mentality. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; it’s just that my birth plans have yet to include those exact sentiments. It’s not just that I feel an epidural is unnatural and can lead to complications, it’s that I know it can. In fact I have lived through it personally, so I have all the reason in the world not to have one again.
If you don’t remember, I literally begged for an epidural after my waters were prematurely ruptured during my labour induction with baby #2. I was in so much pain I literally dropped to the floor, hugged my birthing ball and begged the nurse to get the IV started so I could have the epidural. Keep in mind, this was ooooh let’s say 10 minutes after I insisted I didn’t want any pain medication and appreciated if none of the hospital staff present it as an option to me. Ha! Anyways, that epidural left nasty side effects that I am still dealing with, 2 years later. One of those complications includes permanent nerve damage. So let’s just say I’m not so much a fan. And that’s putting it lightly.
So with the option of an epidural being taken off the table, that leaves me with natural pain relieving techniques (which I love and believe in) but I suppose having my “safety net” taken away from me leaves me in a bit of a panic-stricken state. I have to keep reminding myself that I didn’t need an epidural with my first baby, and I’m really trying to hold those memories in my mind because let’s face it: once you give birth once (or twice, three times, whatever), you know what it feels like. Sometimes the feelings seem … well, unbearable (i.e. during transition) but you still have to push through it. That’s the part where I will need some really good moral support from the hubster – whom, by the way is the best birthing coach ever! Seriously. He could do it for a living he’s that awesome.
So there you have it; I’m a scaredy-cat. So I dedicate this post to my fear of birthing another human being for the 3rd time. I hope that in writing these fears down I am getting them out of my head and won’t have to deal with them anymore.
I am a woman, after all and my body was created to give birth. Birthing is a natural process and not something to be feared. Birthing is a natural process and not something to be feared. Birthing is a natural process and not something to be feared. Birthing is a natural process and not something to be feared. Birthing is a natural process and not something to be feared….